face
home contact us site map Links Guestbook About Dr. Frisch Psych Services Order Books

ASK DR. STEVE...

Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in
Chicago, Illinois and Northfield, Illinois.

You can contact Dr. Frisch, Psy.D. at
(847) 498-5611.

Recover from chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs free. Learn how to in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. Recovery book series.


How to Prevent Your Child from Drinking and Drugging: Creating a Strong Emotional Bond With Your Child


D
ear Dr. Steve:

I am divorced from a man to whom I was married for ten years. Every day of those ten years he was drunk and abusive to me and my kids. My kids are now 11, 13, and 16. I don’t want them turning out like their father. Do you have any suggestions for how I can best prevent them from getting involved with drugs and alcohol?

Although keeping a child drug and alcohol free is a great challenge to a parent, no one is in a better position than you to meet this challenge. A variety of published studies report that children who report feeling close to their families were the least likely to engage in risky behaviors such as drinking, drugging, and smoking cigarettes.

Teenagers who believe that their parents listen to their expressed feelings are more comfortable talking to their parents.  Teenagers who can openly communicate with their parents are more likely to remain alcohol and other drug(s) free. Research shows that teens are much more likely to delay drinking when they feel they have a close, supportive tie with a parent. The opposite is also true. If your children feel alienated from you, if your relationship with your children is punctuated by conflict and rebellion, your children are more likely to use alcohol and be vulnerable to develop drinking-related problems.

How best to build a strong, supportive bond with your child? Follow the suggestions listed below:

1.) Establish open communication. Make it safe for your children to talk openly and honestly for you.  How best to accomplish this? Try the following:
      a.) Encourage your children to talk about whatever interests them. Listen. Do not interrupt. By establishing a line of communication predicated on sincere interest in what your children have to say, you will pave the way for conversations about topics that are important to you.
      b.) Ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions gives your children the opportunity to express themselves rather than explain or justify themselves. Close-ended questions tend to invite yes or no answers. Yes and no are conversation stoppers that tends to build up resistance rather than build a foundation of trust and mutual respect.
      c.) Control your emotions. There is no place in these conversations for your anger, disappointment, frustration, and judgment. Remember, this is an exercise in solely creating and strengthening an emotional bond with your children, not an opportunity for you to impose your agenda.
       d.) Make sure that these conversations are win-win. The best way to ensure that you create a win-win is to listen rather than lecture, respect rather than condemn, cooperate rather than dictate, and honor feelings rather than belittle feelings.

2.) Conversations with your children should clarify expectations and rules. Be clear. Be realistic. Be firm. Be consistent. Establish appropriate consequences that you can consistently enforce.

3.) The tone of your conversations should combine care, concern, love, acceptance, and respect. Do not criticize or tease. Maintain a distinction between the person and their behavior by criticizing the behavior but never the person.

4.) Be mindful of what your children are going through. Adolescence is a precarious developmental time for your children. Their vulnerabilities to the dangers of the world are compounded by their desire to become independent of your direction and guidance. It’s your responsibility to guide them through these choppy waters with a mixture of kindness, understanding, and toughness. Just remember, your children need you much more than they will allow themselves to admit that they need you.

Pathfinder’s Checklist

1.) Read Dr. Steve Frisch’s, Psy.D. series of Recovery books, From Insanity to Serenity. These books focus on chemical dependency, how to raise alcohol and other drugs free children, and Recovery for both the chemically dependent individual and their friends and family members.

2.) Read Fact Sheets about How to Raise an Alcohol and Drug-Free Child
3.) Read Fact Sheets about Information About Alcohol and Other Drugs
4.) Read the Fact Sheet, Referrals
5.) Read Fact Sheet, Warning Signs of Alcohol and Other Drugs Abuse
6.) Read Entering the World of Your Child: How to Nurture Your Child’s Spirit by Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.
7.) Read A Parent’s Guide for Protecting Their Children From Alcohol and Other Drugs by Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.
8.) Read But I’m Not The One With the Problem: How to Cope With a Loved One Who Abuses Alcohol and Other Drugs, by Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.

G.B.U.

Steve


Recover from chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs free. Learn how to in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. Recovery book series—From Insanity to Serenity.



To return to the top of the page
CLICK HERE

Bridges_Cover-Thumb.jpg (14473 bytes) FREE ONLINE BOOKS!

Enrich Recovery
Resolve Conflict
Reclaim Your Life
Stop Self-Sabotage
Love and Be Loved
Mountains Cover-Thumb.jpg (11877 bytes)
FREE ONLINE BOOKS!

Enrich Recovery
Reclaim Your Life
Liberate Your Soul
Stop Self-Sabotage
Develop Your Spirit