Many people are either unwilling or unable to suffer the pain of giving up the outgrown
which needs to be forsaken. Consequently they cling, often forever, to their old patterns
of thinking and behaving, thus failing to negotiate any crisis, to truly grow up and to
experience the joyful sense of rebirth that accompanies the successful transition into
greater maturity.
-M. Scott Peck
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down or click on the links below to read today's edition of Alive And Well Publications'
daily Self-Help Newsletter. Enjoy!
Ask Dr. Steve...
Column of the Day
Bridge Builder's
Tip of the Day
Did You Know...
Parenting Tip of the Day
Pathfinder's Tip of the
Day
Self-Help Column of the
Day
Ask Dr. Steve... Column of the Day
The Progression of Chemical Dependency: The Three Stages of Alcoholism and Drug Addiction
Dear Dr. Steve:
My
husband has been drinking off and on for 10 years yet he doesn't think he has a problem.
He tells me that he can quit any time he wants and, to his credit, he often times does
quit for short periods of time. However, I notice that whenever he quits drinking, his
marijuana use increases. I cant seem to get through to him. Any time I try to talk
to him about it he tells me to get off his backthis is America and Ill
do whatever I want to do. He insists that he doesnt have a problemthat
Im the one with the problem. Then he starts comparing how little he drinks compared
to how much my father drinks, which leaves me speechless. He points out that hes
held the same job for the last eleven years, pays all the bills on time, and never lets me
forget how it is he who does all the work around the house. Does my husband have a problem
with alcohol? Should I be concerned about how much of our lives seem to be consumed by his
drinking, our lying to others and ourselves about his drinking, our fighting about his
drinking, and our ignoring each other because of his drinking?
Yes you should be
concerned. Your letter raises plenty of red flags about your husbands relationship
with alcohol and other drugs. His rationalizations about his use of alcohol and other
drugs are a red flag as well. It is very common for somebody who is in denial about their
alcohol and other drug use to lament that I cant be an alcoholic because
I cant be an alcoholic because I am functioning in my day-to-day life and
alcoholics are hungry, homeless, and desperate.
I cant be an
alcoholic because I have a job and alcoholics cant hold a job.
I cant be an
alcoholic because I have a family and an alcoholic loses his family.
I cant be an
alcoholic because I have my health and alcoholics have cirrhosis of the liver.
I cant be an
alcoholic because I only drink beer and alcoholics drink hard liquor.
I can be an
alcoholic because I never drink before dinner-time and alcoholics drink from sunrise to
sunset.
I cant be an
alcoholic because I only drink on the weekends and alcoholics drink 24/7.
I cant be an
alcoholic because I can quit any time I want and an alcoholic cant quit at all.
And so the refrain
goes, a person convinces themselves of what theyre not because of the misconceptions
they have of who a person is that abuses and becomes dependent on alcohol and other drugs.
But the truth is that alcohol and other drug abusers come from all walks of lifethe
rich and the famous, the down and outers, the very intelligent and those who are not so
smart, those who are as kind as can be and those who are mean and miserable.
Alcoholism and drug addiction have nothing to do with what one drinks, how much one
drinks, when one drinks, when one doesnt drink, what kind of job one has, how much
ones family may or may not love them. Alcoholism and drug addiction are equal
opportunity diseases. One aspect of the diseases of alcoholism and drug addiction is that
they are progressive diseases. This means that there is a beginning, middle, and last
stage of this disease. Anyone can diagnose somebody who is in the last stage of the
disease of alcoholism and/or drug addiction. The person has been all but ruined
emotionally, financially, and spiritually. But there is an early stage and a middle stage
of the diseases of alcoholism and drug addictions that are not as obvious to detect.
Symptoms of each stage are listed below.
Early stages: Social Drinking
Drinking to calm
nerves.
Increase in alcohol tolerance.
Desire to continue drinking when others stop.
Uncomfortable in a situation where there is no alcohol.
Relief drinking commences.
Occasional memory lapses after heavy drinking.
Preoccupation with alcohol (thinking about the next drink).
Secret irritation when your drinking is discussed.
Middle stage: Loss
of Control Phase
Rationalization Begins
Lying about drinking.
Increasing frequency of relief drinking.
Hiding drinking and/or sneaking drinks.
Increasing dependence on alcohol.
Drinking bolstered with excuses.
Feeling guilty about drinking.
Increased memory blackouts.
Tremors and early morning drinks.
Promises and resolutions fail repeatedly.
Complete dishonesty.
Grandiose and aggressive behavior.
Loss of other interests.
Unable to discuss problems.
Family, work, and money problems.
Neglect of food/controlled drinking fails.
Family and friends avoided.
Drinking alone and secretly.
Possible job loss.
Late Stage: The
person now thinks that
responsibilities interfere with
their drinking
Radical deterioration of family relationships.
Unreasonable resentments.
Physical and moral deterioration.
Loss of will power
Onset of lengthy drunks.
Urgent need for morning drinks.
Geographical escape attempted.
Persistent remorse.
Impaired thinking and memory loss.
Loss of family.
Decrease in alcohol tolerance.
Successive lengthy drunks.
Medical and/or psychiatric hospitalizations.
Indefinable fears.
Unable to initiate action.
Extreme indecisiveness.
Unable to work.
Obsession with drinking.
All alibis exhausted.
Complete abandonment: I dont care.
The point of this
symptom checklist is that people who suffer from the disease of alcoholism and drug
addiction dont start deteriorating until they reach the final stage of their
disease. Until that point in the progression of the disease there are other signs and
symptoms of the disease that are less obvious, more subtle and harder to detect. However
one can be chemically dependent based upon the presence of these less obvious symptoms.
Learn how to
prevent and recover from chemical dependency as well as the aftereffects of chemical
dependency on you and your family. Read Dr. Frischs, Psy.D. series of Recovery
booksFrom
Insanity to Serenity.
Pathfinders Checklist
1.) Alcoholism and drug addiction are diseases.
2.) Denial prevents an individual from acknowledging that they have the disease.
3.) These are progressive diseases that have a beginning stage, middle stage, and a late
stage.
4.) Each stage has identifiable symptoms.
5.) An individual can get help for themselves before their disease progressives to the
late stages of the disease.
G.B.U.
Steve
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Bridge Builder's Tip of the Day
Bridge Builder's Tip
Take
responsibility for what your behavior meansnot what you want others to think that it
means.
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Building Better Bridges, that explains this Bridge Builder's Tip of the Day.
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Did You Know...
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Parenting Tip of the Day
Bridge Builder's Tip
How to talk to your children about alochol and other drugs.
1.) Be absolutely clear with your kids that you don't want them using drugs. Ever.
Anywhere. Don't leave room for interpretation. And talk often about the dangers and
results of drug and alcohol abuse. Once or twice a year won't do it.
2.) Be a better
listener. Ask questions - and encourage them. Paraphrase what your child says to you. Ask
for their input about family decisions. Showing your willingness to listen will make your
child feel more comfortable about opening up to you.
3.) Give honest
answers. Don't make up what you don't know; offer to find out. If asked whether you've
ever taken drugs, let them know what's important: that you don't want them using drugs.
4.) Use TV reports,
anti-drug commercials, news or school discussions about drugs to help you introduce the
subject in a natural, unforced way.
5.) Don't react in a
way that will cut off further discussion. If your child makes statements that challenge or
shock you, turn them into a calm discussion of why your child thinks people use drugs, or
whether the effect is worth the risk.
6.) Role play with
your child and practice ways to refuse drugs and alcohol in different situations.
Acknowledge how tough these moments can be.
Click here to read the
report, A Parents Guide for Protecting Their Children From Alcohol and Other
Drugs.
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Pathfinder's Tip of the Day
Pathfinder's Tip
The
empowered person chooses to let go of the familiar for the promise of the unknown.
Click here to read the accompanying excerpt from Moving
Mountains that explains this Pathfinder's Tip of the Day.
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Self-Help Column of the Day
How to Improve
Your Relationship With Effective Communication
by Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.
Have you ever stopped
to think just how important effective communication is to the well-being of your
relationships? When you express yourself to someone, youre expressing more than just
words. Youre expressing your thoughts, ideas, attitudes, values, priorities, and
emotions about yourself, the people in your life, and the circumstances of your life. And
dont kid yourself, no matter what you actually say, there are hidden messages
embedded in what you say. So not only is your relationship with other people impacted by
what you say, its impacted by how you say what it is that you say.
Not only does what you
say and how you say what you say influence how people think of you, it influences how
people respond to you. Theres just no getting away from ityoure always
communicating something to somebody.
Now heres why
effective communication is so important to the good health and well-being of your
relationships. The more effective a communicator that you are, the more likely youll
get your emotional needs met in your relationships. What effective communication can do
for you is put an end to the stalemates that occur between you and your partner when you
believe youve communicated one idea but in actuality youve communicated
something entirely different.
Since the health and
well-beings is so dependent on how effectively you communicate let me give you a checklist
that describes different qualities that characterize poor communication.
Bridge Builders Checklist
1.) Indirect communication that never clearly states what you want your partner to know or
understand.
2.) Timid
3.) Hostile and accusatory
4.) Dishonest
5.) Veiled (youre true message is embedded in other messages)
6.) Puzzling messages that requires your partner to interpret what you actually mean
7.) Dishonest
Not only is it helpful to know what elements make-up ineffective communication, its
equally helpful to be able to envision what elements make-up effective communication.
Bridge
Builders Checklist
1.) Direct
2.) Assertive
3.) Non-threatening
4.) Clear
5.) Honest
6.) Non-dominating whereas there is give and take
7.) Responsive to what your partner is expressing both verbally and non-verbally
You would be amazed how much your relationships grow once you become more comfortable
communicating in a clear, open, and honest fashion. Once you become more skilled at how to
express yourself in a way that your partner can hear you, you will discover how truly
wonderful your relationship can be. So if you find yourself feeling discouraged or
frustrated by the lack of receptiveness your partner is showing to what you are expressing
remember the pitfalls of communication summed in the following quote by Oscar Wilde: I
like hearing myself talk. It is one of my greatest pleasures. I often have long
conversations with myself, and I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single
word of what I am saying.
Bridge
Builders Checklist
1.) Commit to being open, honest, and direct with your partner.
2.) Commit to being an active listener.
3.) Commit to openly and honestly communicating your emotional needs.
4.) Commit to using communication as a way of including rather than excluding people from
your life.
5.) Commit to not using communication as a way of harming the people in your life.
6.) Commit to not using communication as a way of controlling other people.
7.) Commit to not using communication as a way of manipulating other people.
8.) Commit to not using communication as a way of shaming other people.
9.) Commit to not using what your partner communicates to you against your partner.
For more information about how to effectively express yourself, read chapter 3 (Communication)
in Dr. Frischs, Psy.D. free online book, Building Better Bridges: Creating Great
Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and read Dr. Frischs, Psy.D.
free online book, Making Molehills Out of Mountains and
Dr. Frischs, Psy.D. free online articles, Revealing YourselfHow to Make
Yourself Known to Your Partner.
G.B.U.
Steve
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Recover from
chemical dependency as well as its toxic impact on family members. Raise your
children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs
free. Learn how
to in Dr. Frischs, Psy.D. Recovery book series. |
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