|How to Create
Steve Frisch, Psy.D.
Emotional intimacy is something that most everybody longs to
experience. The feeling of a significant connection to another living being is an
essential ingredient of your emotional and spiritual well-being. However, despite the
importance of emotional intimacy to ones emotional and spiritual well-being,
creating and maintaining emotional intimacy with your partner can be oftentimes confusing,
even a confounding proposition to undertake.
is emotional intimacy? Emotional intimacy is a type of connection that exists between two
people. People create emotional intimacy through open and honest
communicationspecifically, by expressing to your partner thoughts and feelings about
who you are, how each of you experiences the present moment with one another, and
fulfilling the emotional needs of each other.
Does such freedom exist in your relationship(s)the freedom to openly express
yourself without fear of judgment or retaliation? If so, what have you and your partner
done to create such an environment? If open and honest communication does not exist in
your relationship, what do you and your partner do to censure open and honest
notice that in my explanation of emotional intimacy I emphasized that emotional intimacy
is the result of sharing how each person experiences the present moment. This is a
specific critical skill that can greatly enhance the quality of your relationship(s).
Being able to effectively reveal yourself by expressing how youre
experiencing the present moment is what enables your partner to know you, understand you,
and most importantly be there for you. That, my friend, is what brings two people closer
and closer togetherknowing who your partner is, knowing what is important to your
partner, and the willingness to let your partner express those things to you!
ability to express your thoughts and feelings about how the present moment impacts you
enables your relationship to continually renew itself and deepen the sense of involvement
you feel with your partner. Emotional intimacy deepens only when you are willing to share
who you are and be open to your partner expressing to you who they are? So when you
experience your relationship as being stale, when you experience yourself drifting away
from your partner, when you find yourself longing for the type of connection with your
partner that is nurturing, take the risk of creating a dialogue with your partner that
enables each of you to reveal yourself to the other.
You can learn more about how to enrich your relationships by reading Dr. Frischs,
Psy.D. books, Building Better Bridges: Creating Great
Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and Making Molehills Out of Mountains:
Reclaiming Your Personal Power In Your Relationships.
Bridge Builders Tip
1.) Reveal yourself to your partner by express how youre experiencing the
2.) Keep it safe for your partner to express their experience of the present moment to
3.) Honor rather than judge what your partner reveals to you about themselves and the
4) Acknowledge how youre affected by what your partner reveals about themselves to
5.) Express your appreciation to your partner for their willingness to risk exposing who
they are to you.
6.) Reciprocate with your partner by revealing who you are to them.