[Re]awaken Feelings of Love in Your Relationship
by Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.
With the right skill set and
the ability to tolerate momentary emotional discomfort, you would be amazed at how easy it
can be to reignite old feelings of passion and desire in your relationship. The skill set
that Im referring to is being able to act as if. Being able to act as if is
a great way to open yourself up to new experiences and new possibilities in your
relationships. In fact, the admonishment to act as if can be a useful tool for
those individuals who are trying to enrich as well as restore feelings of love in their
For those of you who
are seeking to restore or enrich feelings in your relationship, you may feel frustrated by
the recognition that feelings of love do not magically manifest themselves. In other
words, not feeling loving towards your partner may be keeping you from acting in a loving
way towards your partner. Not acting in a loving way towards your partner then merely
feeds on the lack of love that you may be experiencing towards your partner.
But imagine how you might be able to transform your indifference or even hostility towards
your partner by simply acting as ifacting as if you have forgiveness
in your heart for your partner, acting as if what is important to your partner is
important to you, acting as if you feel compassion for your partners idiosyncrasies,
acting as if you have tolerance towards your partners insensitivities towards
you. Can you see how your ability to act as if you feel forgiveness, acceptance,
understanding, compassion, concern, and tolerance may be catalysts for love? Its
axiomaticlove is created out of acts of loving behavior.
Now this may seem
backwards to youperforming an act of love to experience love rather than creating an
act of love from a feeling of love. But think about it, it is an act of love that
stimulates and reinforces feelings and beliefs of love. You know this to be true in the
opposite. Cant you think of a time or situation when dwelling on the dislike that
you feel towards somebody only serves to increase the dislike you feel towards that
person? So, shouldnt it stand to reason that by not dwelling on the hostility or
indifference that you feel towards your partner as well as acting as if you feel
love, acceptance, understanding, and/or tolerance towards your partner will awaken
thoughts and feelings of love and approval for your partner.
So observe this simple
rule of thumb and notice the difference it can make in your relationship. If you want to
[re]awaken your feelings of love for your partner insure that your behaviors towards that
person are consistent with your desire.
Bridge Builders Checklist
1.) Commit to act in a loving way.
2.) Commit to act in a forgiving way.
3.) Commit to act in a tolerant way.
4.) Commit to act in a compassionate way.
5.) Commit to letting go of your resentments rather than holding your offering of love
hostage to your resentments.
6.) Commit to releasing your partner for the expectations that set your partner up to
For more information about how to resolve conflict in your relationships read my free
online books, Building Better Bridges: Creating Great
Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and Making Molehills Out of Mountains.