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Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in
Chicago, Illinois and Northfield, Illinois.

You can contact Dr. Frisch, Psy.D. at
(847) 498-5611.

How to [Re]awaken Feelings of Love in Your Relationship
by Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.

With the right skill set and the ability to tolerate momentary emotional discomfort, you would be amazed at how easy it can be to reignite old feelings of passion and desire in your relationship. The skill set that I’m referring to is being able to act as if. Being able to act as if is a great way to open yourself up to new experiences and new possibilities in your relationships. In fact, the admonishment to act as if can be a useful tool for those individuals who are trying to enrich as well as restore feelings of love in their relationships.

For those of you who are seeking to restore or enrich feelings in your relationship, you may feel frustrated by the recognition that feelings of love do not magically manifest themselves. In other words, not feeling loving towards your partner may be keeping you from acting in a loving way towards your partner. Not acting in a loving way towards your partner then merely feeds on the lack of love that you may be experiencing towards your partner.

But imagine how you might be able to transform your indifference or even hostility towards your partner by simply acting as ifacting as if you have forgiveness in your heart for your partner, acting as if what is important to your partner is important to you, acting as if you feel compassion for your partner’s idiosyncrasies, acting as if you have tolerance towards your partner’s insensitivities towards you. Can you see how your ability to act as if you feel forgiveness, acceptance, understanding, compassion, concern, and tolerance may be catalysts for love? It’s axiomatic—love is created out of acts of loving behavior.

Now this may seem backwards to you—performing an act of love to experience love rather than creating an act of love from a feeling of love. But think about it, it is an act of love that stimulates and reinforces feelings and beliefs of love. You know this to be true in the opposite. Can’t you think of a time or situation when dwelling on the dislike that you feel towards somebody only serves to increase the dislike you feel towards that person? So, shouldn’t it stand to reason that by not dwelling on the hostility or indifference that you feel towards your partner as well as acting as if you feel love, acceptance, understanding, and/or tolerance towards your partner will awaken thoughts and feelings of love and approval for your partner.

So observe this simple rule of thumb and notice the difference it can make in your relationship. If you want to [re]awaken your feelings of love for your partner insure that your behaviors towards that person are consistent with your desire.

Bridge Builder’s Checklist
1.) Commit to act in a loving way.
2.) Commit to act in a forgiving way.
3.) Commit to act in a tolerant way.
4.) Commit to act in a compassionate way.
5.) Commit to letting go of your resentments rather than holding your offering of love hostage to your resentments.
6.) Commit to releasing your partner for the expectations that set your partner up to disappoint you.

For more information about how to resolve conflict in your relationships read my free online books, Building Better Bridges: Creating Great Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and Making Molehills Out of Mountains.



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Enrich Recovery
Resolve Conflict
Reclaim Your Life
Stop Self-Sabotage
Love and Be Loved
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Enrich Recovery
Reclaim Your Life
Liberate Your Soul
Stop Self-Sabotage
Develop Your Spirit