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Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in
Chicago, Illinois and Northfield, Illinois.

You can contact Dr. Frisch, Psy.D. at
(847) 498-5611.

Involvement: How to Honor the Emotional Needs of You and Your Partner
by Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D

What is the heart and soul of any relationship—the reason why you even bother with all of the fuss and muss that goes on in your relationships in the first place. In a word—needs. Emotional needs to be more precise. Your partner has something that you are seeking from them—acceptance, admiration, appreciation, esteem, love, a place in this world, a sense of safety. You have the ability to offer those very same things to your partner.

If you’re like most people the word need might just give you the willies. The idea that you actually may need something from someone, that you’re not emotionally self-sustaining may be a truth that you’ve hidden from for a long time. On the other hand, the idea that you have a responsibility to fulfill in your relationship—the emotional care and feeding of your partner, may be equally uncomfortable for you to consider.

But consider this—two people are in relationship because of the emotional nutrition that one can offer to the other. It’s just that plain. It’s just that simple. Fulfillment of each other’s emotional needs is the bridge that connects one to the other.

Accepting that you and your partner’s emotional needs are the fulcrum around which your relationship revolves, you can better understand how to enrich the emotional and spiritual well-being of your relationships as well as diagnose the problems that erupt when things aren’t going well. For you can rest assured that at the core of what is going right in your relationship is the satisfaction that comes when a person is feeling emotionally fulfilled. It’s just as likely at the core of whatever difficulties you may be encountering with your partner is that one of you or both of you are feeling less than emotionally fulfilled.

So what’s the secret to Involvement? How can you best participate in your relationship to ensure that you and your partner’s emotional and spiritual well-being is being honored?

Bridge Builder’s Checklist
1.) Commit to make the fulfillment of your partner’s emotional needs a priority.
2.) Commit to examining what emotions (yours) such as resentment, anger, jealousy, retribution, or apathy prevent you from fulfilling your partner’s emotional needs.
3.) Commit to identify stimulate the emotions that prevent you from fulfilling your partner’s emotional needs.
4.) Commit to resolving the circumstances that stimulate the emotions that prevent you from fulfilling your partner’s emotional needs.
5.) Commit to express your emotional needs to your partner.

For more information about the skills that create loving Involvement in your relationships by fulfilling your partner’s emotional needs, read chapter 1 (Involvement) in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. free online book, Building Better Bridges: Creating Great Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and read the sections on Acceptance, and Unmet Emotional Needs in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. free online book, Making Molehills Out of Mountains



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