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There’s
no magic pill that I know of to alleviate the pain and suffering caused by loneliness. And
even if there were such a pill, as a clinical psychologist, I could not prescribe such a
pill. However, there are three things that I can and do prescribe to each and every one of
my clients who experience the pain and suffering that comes from feeling lonely.
The first thing I prescribe to my clients is to get involved with people.
You have to step out of your isolation and find a way to get connected to the human race.
There’s nothing more healing to the soul than to experience the love and the support
you can only get from being involved with other human beings. We all need to feel
like we have a place in this world, that we matter to another living soul, that we hold
some importance to somebody else.
The
second thing I prescribe to my clients is to get involved with people. You
need to be able to step out of your own problems, out of your own pain, and contribute to
somebody else’s life. Involvement with other people, providing emotional nutrition
for somebody else is a magical elixir for your own frozen soul. When you isolate and
disconnect from the world, you feel empty as your life is void of meaningful contact with
others. Feeling alienated from the rest of the world drains your spirit of hope and
purpose, the thought that your life matters. The act of giving to others, the act of
transcending your own constricted world, plants the seeds of hope and purpose in your own
life.
And
the third thing I prescribe to my clients is to get involved with people.
You need to be involved with people who are emotionally safe—people who can be
supportive, who can be there for you. Emotionally safe relationships are an important
catalyst for your own personal growth. They provide the necessary contact you need with
others to get out of yourself. People who are emotionally safe to be with provide an
outlet for you to step out of your woundedness and experiment with how you live your life.
That’s
the essence of overcoming loneliness, not medicating it with alcohol and other drugs, not
ignoring it by losing yourself in work or some other all consuming endeavor, not denying
it by learning how to put on a happy face, but by getting involved with people. By getting
involved with other people you will enable yourself to experience feeling plugged into the
love and support of others who are invested rather than threatened by your growth and
development.
The only way I know of
to put an end to the pain that you experience from feeling isolated and alone is to get
involved with the human race. And the only way I know of to get involved with the human
race is to take action. To get more involved with people requires of you to be more
proactive and less passive. So it’s up to you. Let’s get busy and create a plan
of action that will enable you to slowly but surely get [re]connected to the human race.
Here are some suggestions for you to consider. See if you can construct a plan of action
that you can begin tomorrow and take the next thirty days to execute. Wait and see what a
difference this will make to your emotional and spiritual well-being.
Bridge Builder’s
Checklist
1.)
Improve the relationship your have with yourself. When you don’t like yourself,
it’s hard to believe that others like you. One very simple thing to do to change the
relationship you have with yourself is to change the negative thoughts you have about
yourself to positive ones.
2.) Join a support group. Support groups are a good place to meet people and make new
friends. Support groups are a good, safe way to meet other people who have similar
concerns and interests as you do. Sharing common concerns or interests is a great ice
breaker.
3.) Attend meetings, lectures, and other activities that interest you. Again, this is an
opportunity to meet people who share similar interests as you do. And the more you get
out, the more you will see and be seen by other people.
4.)
Volunteer work is a good way to get involved with a cause that you care about. Not only
will you be involved with other people, you’re life will begin to feel more
meaningful by getting out of your self-centered isolation.
5.) Have you ever wondered what happened
to ole so and so, your buddy from way back when? There are many good opportunities
these days with the internet, and e-mail, and Instant Message to hook-up with just about
anybody who is still alive. Rekindling old friendships is a wonderful way to [re]connect
with the human race.
6.) Make sure that the relationships you
do have are based on giving and receiving—not just giving. There isn’t a
lonelier feeling in the world than to be involved in friendships in which you do all the
giving without doing any of the receiving. If you are one of those people who give and
give and give with the silent hope that you’ll get back in return then
it’s likely that you may feel lonelier than the Maytag repairman.
7.) Hire a therapist to help you better understand the fears you have about getting more
involved with other people. A therapist can help you work through the fears you have and
help you develop coping skills to deal with those fears. A therapist can help you learn
new relationship skills that will enable you to feel more confident in your dealings with
others, assertiveness skills that will empower you to get your needs met in your
relationships, and conflict resolution skills to work through the inevitable issues that
arise between you and the people in your life.
For more information about how to build
great relationships, read Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. free online books, Building
Better Bridges: Creating Great Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and Making
Molehills Out of Mountains.
G.B.U.
Steve
G.B.U.
Steve
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