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SELF-HELP COLUMN

Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in
Chicago, Illinois and Northfield, Illinois.

You can contact Dr. Frisch, Psy.D. at
(847) 498-5611.


Personal Responsibility: How to Get What You Need in Your Relationships
by Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.

Taking responsibility in your relationship requires a specific mindset and a specific skillset. The mindset—you and only you are the creator of your experiences that you share with your partner. Nothing that occurs between you and your partner is an accidental or random occurrence. Each circumstance that exists between you and your partner exists for one reason and one reason only—to teach you a lesson about who you are and how to treat your partner with love and compassion. Although you may need to search high and low for those lessons, I assure you that they’re embedded in each circumstance.

Accepting that little is done to you and that all is created by you, you’ll be better able to let your partner off the hook when you feel wronged by your partner. Freeing yourself of anger and resentment will create more space in your relationship to repair wounds, act out of love rather than spite, and free your partner to reciprocate in kind.

There are specific skills that you can use in order to take personal responsibility in your relationships. These skills will enable you to direct and shape your participation in your relationship. Applying these skills in your relationships will teach you how you create either love and joy or conflict and resentments. Below is a list of skills for you to put into practice in order to take more responsibility for the well-being of your relationships.

Bridge Builder’s Checklist
1.) Commit to being direct, honest, and open about your feelings, opinions and needs.
2.) Commit to stating your intentions in a direct and honest manner.
3.) Commit to stating your point of view without hesitance or apology.
4.) Commit to saying no to unreasonable requests or requests that make you feel uncomfortable.
5.) Commit to recognizing and respecting the rights of your partner by avoiding blaming and shaming comments.
6.) Commit to speaking in I rather than you statements.
7.) Commit to asking for what you need in your relationship rather than making your partner guess.

For more information about how to create personal responsibility in your relationship, read chapter 6 (Responsibility) in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. free online book, Building Better Bridges: Creating Great Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and read the sections on Acceptance, and Unmet Emotional Needs in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. free online book, Making Molehills Out of Mountains.

G.B.U.

Steve



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Enrich Recovery
Resolve Conflict
Reclaim Your Life
Stop Self-Sabotage
Love and Be Loved
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FREE ONLINE BOOKS!

Enrich Recovery
Reclaim Your Life
Liberate Your Soul
Stop Self-Sabotage
Develop Your Spirit