Responsibility: How to Get What You Need in Your Relationships
Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.
responsibility in your relationship requires a specific mindset and a specific skillset.
The mindsetyou and only you are the creator of your experiences that you share with
your partner. Nothing that occurs between you and your partner is an accidental or random
occurrence. Each circumstance that exists between you and your partner exists for one
reason and one reason onlyto teach you a lesson about who you are and how to treat
your partner with love and compassion. Although you may need to search high and low for
those lessons, I assure you that theyre embedded in each circumstance.
Accepting that little is done to you and that all is created by you, youll be better
able to let your partner off the hook when you feel wronged by your partner. Freeing
yourself of anger and resentment will create more space in your relationship to repair
wounds, act out of love rather than spite, and free your partner to reciprocate in kind.
There are specific skills that
you can use in order to take personal responsibility in your relationships. These skills
will enable you to direct and shape your participation in your relationship. Applying
these skills in your relationships will teach you how you create either love and joy or
conflict and resentments. Below is a list of skills for you to put into practice in order
to take more responsibility for the well-being of your relationships.
1.) Commit to being direct, honest, and open about your feelings, opinions and needs.
2.) Commit to stating your intentions in a direct and honest manner.
3.) Commit to stating your point of view without hesitance or apology.
4.) Commit to saying no to unreasonable requests or requests that make you feel
5.) Commit to recognizing and respecting the rights of your partner by avoiding blaming
and shaming comments.
6.) Commit to speaking in I rather than you statements.
7.) Commit to asking for what you need in your relationship rather than making your
For more information about how to create personal responsibility in your relationship,
read chapter 6 (Responsibility) in Dr. Frischs, Psy.D. free online book, Building
Better Bridges: Creating Great Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and
read the sections on Acceptance, and Unmet Emotional Needs in Dr.
Frischs, Psy.D. free online book, Making Molehills Out of Mountains.