Just as location, location, location are the three secrets to success in business, communication, communication, communication are the three secrets to success in any relationship. But I want to talk to you about a specific communication skill, the most important communication skill you’ll ever learn—revealing yourself to your partner. Revealing yourself to your partner is a skill in which you share a piece of yourself with your partner. Rather than telling stories about events, rather than reciting facts about circumstances, rather than rambling on about opinions, rather than masking who you are with rationales, justifications, and explanations, revealing yourself is the art of making yourself known to your partner.

Think about this for a moment—how much time do you spend talking to your partner about you—about who you are, about what you feel, about how you experience the present moment. Or does your communication get bogged down in countering each other’s position, inducing boredom and tedium with an endless recitation of facts, complaints, and opinions. Simply put, does the time you spend talking to your partner bring you closer together or make you feel even more distant?

Making yourself known in your relationship means simply talking to your partner about the what is of the relationship. The what is of the relationship is the stuff about 1.) Who you are, 2.) How you’re affected by the words and deeds of your partner, 3.) What you need in the relationship, 4.) What your responsibilities to your partner are, 5.) The experiences in the relationship that are noticed but unacknowledged by you and your partner.

For those of you who feel stifled in your relationships, for those of you who long to express their voice in their relationships, for those of you who want to feel closer to their partner, revealing yourself  to your partner will unlock the hidden potential for growth and closeness that you’ve yet to experience in your relationships.

Bridge Builder’s Checklist
1.) Commit to expressing to your partner who you are.
2.) Commit to expressing your feelings to your partner.
3.) Commit to expressing how your partner’s words and actions affect you.
4.) Commit to expressing to your partner what you need from them.
5.) Commit to expressing to your partner what you’re experiencing in the present moment.
6.) Commit to expressing to your partner what your responsibilities to your partner and the relationship are.
7.) Commit to unmasking the unresolved stuff that’s known but unacknowledged between you and your partner.

For more information about how to effectively express yourself, read chapter 3 (Communication) in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. free online book, Building Better Bridges: Creating Great Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and read Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. free online book, Making Molehills Out of Mountains.

G.B.U.

Steve