Yourself: How to Make Yourself Known to Your Partner
Steve Frisch, Psy.D.
Just as location, location, location are the three
secrets to success in business, communication, communication, communication are the
three secrets to success in any relationship. But I want to talk to you about a specific
communication skill, the most important communication skill youll ever learnrevealing
yourself to your partner. Revealing yourself to your partner is a skill in
which you share a piece of yourself with your partner. Rather than telling stories about
events, rather than reciting facts about circumstances, rather than rambling on about
opinions, rather than masking who you are with rationales, justifications, and
explanations, revealing yourself is the art of making yourself known to your
Think about this for a
momenthow much time do you spend talking to your partner about youabout who
you are, about what you feel, about how you experience the present moment. Or does your
communication get bogged down in countering each others position, inducing boredom
and tedium with an endless recitation of facts, complaints, and opinions. Simply put, does
the time you spend talking to your partner bring you closer together or make you feel even
Making yourself known
in your relationship means simply talking to your partner about the what is of the
relationship. The what is of the relationship is the stuff about 1.) Who you are,
2.) How youre affected by the words and deeds of your partner, 3.) What you need in
the relationship, 4.) What your responsibilities to your partner are, 5.) The experiences
in the relationship that are noticed but unacknowledged by you and your partner.
For those of you who
feel stifled in your relationships, for those of you who long to express their voice in
their relationships, for those of you who want to feel closer to their partner, revealing
yourself to your partner will unlock the hidden potential for growth and
closeness that youve yet to experience in your relationships.
1.) Commit to expressing to your partner who you are.
2.) Commit to expressing your feelings to your partner.
3.) Commit to expressing how your partners words and actions affect you.
4.) Commit to expressing to your partner what you need from them.
5.) Commit to expressing to your partner what youre experiencing in the present
6.) Commit to expressing to your partner what your responsibilities to your partner and
the relationship are.
7.) Commit to unmasking the unresolved stuff thats known but unacknowledged between
you and your partner.
For more information
about how to effectively express yourself, read chapter 3 (Communication)
in Dr. Frischs, Psy.D. free online book, Building Better Bridges: Creating
Great Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and read Dr. Frischs,
Psy.D. free online book, Making Molehills Out of Mountains.