Your Personal Power
By Dr. Steve
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Love Not War
That old law about an eye for
an eye leaves everybody blind.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
know how unresolved conflict can erode your relationships well-being? Trapped in a
cycle of arguments, debates, rationalizations, and justifications, the goodwill that once
existed between you and your partner slowly but surely begins to slip through your
fingers. Somehow your adeptness at debate and blame takes on more importance than your
ability to love and support.
thoughtlessness, irresponsible behavior, even deception begin to take up more and more
space in your relationship. You both agree that therein lies the problem. If only
you would do what we agreed upon...
only you would be nicer to me... If only you would be more
understanding... Why dont you ever think of me?
so you both willingly retrace each others footsteps, none too happy to point out the
fallacy in the others thinking or actions. Implied in of all this is the solution
for creating a great relationship that sounds something like this, If only you would
do, act, or think differently, then I would...
partner explains, Its just my nature. Or Youre making too
much of this. Or you may have been told before, Youre being too
it feels so very much more than that to you. It feels mean-spirited, almost punitive. You
cant quite put your finger on it, but at times you know theres much more to it
than your partners absent-mindedness. You cant help but think that when you
talk about it, theres more left unsaid than said.
longer the arguments go on, the more the walls go up. Where once there was a foundation of
trust and respect, now theres only distance, if not total disconnection. Sadly, it
seems that the rare times you do feel connected are the times when the two of you are
fighting. Sure, nothing ever gets resolved, but at least for the tiniest of moments
theres a spark, a shred of connection.
friends shrug their shoulders and say, You know, relationships are hard work.
Hey, hard work is one thing, but this relationship has begun to feel like a chore--a
dreaded one at that. Where your relationship was once a port of safe harbor from
everything else that life would throw your way, you now are seeking other places of refuge
to escape the drudgery of your relationship.
full of happiness and hope for a brighter future, you suddenly feel stuck in a quagmire of
ill-will and blame. Your hope for a supportive and nourishing relationship has begun to
evaporate before your eyes.
the scary part is you feel powerless to do anything about it. You recognize the patterns
because theyve happened before. Yet, the patterns seem to have a grip so tight
you cant escape their clutch. Spontaneity has been drained from the relationship,
replaced by a rote script the two of you willingly stick to.
know each others responses by heart. Resignation begins to replace the will to
fight. Whats the use, I know what shes going to say, or Why
bother, hell only get back at me in some other way if I say anything.
clear that something has to change. No longer can you easily convince yourself that
its always the other persons fault. Oh sure, youre not ready to let go
of the notion that things would be better if your partner would just get with the program.
an inkling of awareness is beginning to break through--some glint of recognition that you
are responsible in part for the conflict that exists in your relationships. And if
thats true, then theres an important lesson you need to learn. Afterall, if
youve contributed to what the relationship has become, youre just going to
keep repeating these patterns wherever you go, with whomever you are with.
good news is theres a process that you can learn that will enable you to begin to
make molehills out of mountains. By mastering this process, youll discover the joy
of reclaiming your personal power in all of your relationships. By using some very simple
relationship skills, youll begin to create long lasting harmony with the people who
dont have to say good-bye to your dreams. Relationships no longer have to be
sabotaged because you dont know how to break out of a never ending pattern of
conflict. There are very simple means available to empower yourself in lessening the
amount of discord between you and your partner.
you master these simple skills Im about to share with you, youll immediately
notice how much better youll feel about yourself and your partner. A sense of
hopefulness and well-being will replace the gray cloud that hangs over your relationship.
Youll rediscover how good it feels to be with your partner. A sense of openness and
freedom will begin to replace the self-protective walls that have left you feeling
imagine how good it would feel to see your partner again as a friend, lover, and
confidant, rather than the enemy. You need no longer fear being made wrong every time you say, think, feel, or do
something. Sanity can replace what was once only hurt, anger, betrayal, and rage.
too good to be true? Dont question any of it for even a moment. Im going to
show you some simple steps. These steps can transform many of the booby traps in your
relationships. Youll begin to see problems as opportunities to enrich your
relationships by developing stronger connections with the people who matter most.
we go through this journey together, youll discover an incredible vein of riches.
For this is not merely a how-to book that outlines a series of techniques to mechanically
apply to the conflicts in your relationships. Rather, this book will illuminate a path of
personal empowerment--the means to reclaim your personal power and enrich your emotional
and spiritual well-being. This path will be illuminated by the glow cast from your process
result of reading this book, youll discover more about who you are. This process of
self-discovery will shed light on how your unarticulated aches and pains appear in your
relationships. As a voice is given to all of those unacknowledged aches and pains,
youll discover what their true source is. And as a result of your self-discovery,
youll develop a better awareness of the choices you have when those aches and pains
begin to overwhelm you and, ultimately, the well-being of your relationships.
my wish for you, that you have a menu of choices. The knowledge that you no longer have to
suffer silently as your relationships become mired in a cloud of never-ending futility.
Simply put, this book is a testimony to the power of healing that comes from your
willingness to exercise different choices in order to resolve the discord in your
by little youll begin to see you and your partners behavior as something more
than mere forgetfulness or thoughtlessness. Youll begin to appreciate how often a
word slipped in here, an action perpetrated there, are not mere innocent slights.
discover how your actions are embedded in a mosaic. A mosaic that expresses the
larger picture of your emotional hurt--the pain that you feel but do not express for
whatever good reasons you may have.
this book is a testimony to the emancipation you can create by mastering the simple
relationship skills that will transform how you and your partner work together to build a
stronger relationship. Your freedom will emerge from a new found sense of empowerment born
from the seeds of self-confidence and self-love. These are the seeds that will give birth
to the far more fulfilling tommorows in your life.
chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your
children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs
free. Learn how
to in Dr. Frischs, Psy.D. Recovery book series.