Your Personal Power
By Dr. Steve
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the Table of Contents
Skillet Calling the Kettle Black
Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being
relationships are the foundation on which our emotional and spiritual well-being is built.
Meaningful, cooperative relationships are the cornerstone of an emotionally healthy life,
rich with purpose and love. And you know, these kind of relationships dont just
happen, theyre created. Theyre molded and shaped, crafted and nurtured. Strong
connections are crafted by two people who believe that the rewards far outweigh the risks
of getting close to one another--the risks precipitated by two people forging a bond woven
from the strands of emotional honesty, emotional intimacy, and emotional vulnerability.
bond is woven with the use of special tools--specific relationship skills. These
relationship skills enable us to repair, maintain, and nurture the well-being of our
relationships. These skills bridge the gap between mistrust and trust, misunderstanding
and understanding, self-centeredness and empathy, and hurt and forgiveness.
you asked Judy what impact the relationship skills she learned in her Relationship
Bridge-Builders group had upon her life, she wouldnt explain it the way I would, but
she could say it far more eloquently. Judy would simply say, I learned how to love
and be loved.
less technical, yet far more poignant than anything I could have come up with. For Judy
that was the essence of what had changed for her--the ability to love and be loved. So
much of her life had been spent keeping the world at arms length. Never letting
anyone get close enough to care about her. Never opening herself enough to somebody else
to care about them. No, Judy had fabricated her own safe place in the world, never
believing that it could ever be any different.
all the hurt and disappointment that came with her involvement with the people in her life
had been magically transformed. Transformed from fear and mistrust to self-confidence in
her ability to cope with the inevitable difficulties that arise in any relationship. No
longer did she feel a prisoner to the ebb and flow of her relationships, a rhythm that so
often left her feeling powerless and out of control.
had rediscovered her voice, of equal importance the means to articulate her emotional
needs at those times that she was feeling most depleted. For so long, fear controlled her
willingness to say out loud what she needed from another person. Too many times she had
been laughed at, met with judgment or anger, or worst of all, totally ignored.
had finally said good-bye to the days of her simmering anger. Those were the days when
resentment had consumed her as she gave and gave while her emotional needs were left to
twist in the wind. The red hot embers of anger were slowly replaced by the brilliance of
an emerging inner glow. This glow was given birth by Judys willingness to boldly put
herself out there.
longer content with being a good sport, she had discovered a place within herself that
enabled her to feel entitled. This entitlement fueled her courage to slowly but surely
invite people into her world who would honor her voice. A voice that proclaimed her rights
as a person. A voice that empowered her to no longer settle for the status quo in her
if you asked Judy, she would look you right in the face and tell you flat out, The
status quo was forbidden.
Judy could also tell you that it took more than a new attitude to make a difference in her
relationships. You dont just wish something different and then its so.
Thats certainly how it begins, but thats not where it ends. Judy discovered
what youre about to discover--reclaiming your personal power in your relationships
requires a lot of know-how. Your willingness to create the kind of relationships you
desire is the first step. Step number two is creating a better awareness of who you are
and how your personal issues appear in your relationships. Step number three is learning
the relationship skills that can emancipate you from the current patterns of confusion and
self-sabotage in which you continually find yourself ensnared.
so it is that this book is dedicated to the proposition that you too can learn how to love
and be loved. Your relationships dont have to burn out like a white hot comet that
initially glows so brightly, but eventually crashes and burns. Maintaining the passion in
your relationships is not a passive process. Anyone, let me repeat, anyone can learn how
to sustain the well-being of their relationship. You simply need to better understand how
your relationship gets stuck. More importantly, you need to learn how to navigate
beyond the rocks in the choppy waters upon which your relationships run aground.
chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your
children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs
free. Learn how
to in Dr. Frischs, Psy.D. Recovery book series.