Strengthening
Your Bonds of Fellowship
Chapter 1
By Dr. Steve
Frisch, Psy.D.
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A Prescription
For Emotional and Spiritual Well-Being
There comes that mysterious meeting in life when
someone acknowledges who we are and what we can be, igniting
the circuits of our highest potential.
-Rusty Berkus
Thanks
for seeing me after group tonight, I just need a couple of minutes of your time.
Laurie
earlier asked to see me for a few minutes after our group session in order to discuss a
recommendation her doctor had made for her.
I
got a physical today and my doctor started asking me a bunch of questions. The next thing
I knew, she was telling me she thought it would be a good idea for me to start taking
antidepressant medication.
I
told her I thought that I should talk it over with you first.
I
spent a few minutes talking with Laurie about the research on antidepressant medication,
the pros and cons, what her choices were.
The
one thing I emphasized with Laurie, as I do with all of my clients is, as a clinical
psychologist I cannot prescribe medication. However I was more than happy to share with
her a prescription that I can and do write for all of my clients.
She
seemed to perk up a little when I told her that, so I continued.
There
are three things that I prescribe for anybody who is struggling, trying to enhance their
emotional well-being. The first thing I prescribe is people. We have to step out of our
isolation and find a way to get connected to the human race. Theres nothing more
healing to the soul than to experience the love and the support we can only get from being
involved with other human beings.
Its
really very simple. We all need to feel like we have a place in this world, that we matter
to another living soul, that we hold some importance to somebody else. The relationship we
have with ourselves is important for our emotional well-being, but that relationship has
its own limits.
Laurie
was listening intently to what I had to say. She was nodding her head as I was speaking,
so I continued.
The
second thing I prescribe is people. We need to be able to step out of our own problems,
out of our own pain, and contribute, contribute to somebody elses life. Involvement
with other people, providing emotional nutrition for somebody else is a magical elixir for
our own frozen souls.
When
we isolate and disconnect from our world, we feel empty as our lives are void of
meaningful contact with others. Feeling alienated from the rest of the world drains our
spirit of hope and purpose, the thought that our life matters. The act of giving to
others, the act of transcending our own constricted world, plants the seeds of hope and
purpose in our own lives.
Laurie
was still with me, so I looked at her and asked, Now those are the first two things
that I prescribe, what do you imagine the third thing is?
Laurie
stuck her right index finger under her chin, tilted her head back a little, rolled her
eyes toward the ceiling, smiled and asked, Uh, it wouldnt be people, would
it?
As
a matter of fact, it would be. People is the third thing I prescribe. We need to be
involved with people who are emotionally safe for us. People who can be supportive, who
can be there for us. Emotionally safe relationships are an important catalyst for our own
personal growth. They provide the necessary contact we need with others to get out of
ourselves. People who are emotionally safe to be with provide an outlet for us to step out
of our woundedness and experiment with how we live our lives.
Thats
the essence of our emotional and spiritual well-being. Experimentation. Experimenting with
our life choices. Expanding the world in which we live. Plugging into the love and support
from others who are invested in our development, not threatened by it.
Strengthening
the Bonds of Fellowship. Thats what I call this stage of our journey. Building
bridges to the human race. Getting involved with the people in our lives. Ending the wars
we wage not only within ourselves, but with all the people we come into contact with.
Ending
the isolation. Transforming the alienation. Creating harmony where there was once acrimony
and pain. Does that sound like fertile ground to march on?
Do
you see the value of fellowship in the context of the big picture were painting?
Heres how I think about it. Relationships are like a mirror. A mirror that reflects
back to us who we are, and who we can become. A mirror from which we can learn how the
world experiences us, which invariably is different than what we believe to be true about
ourselves.
Without
a consistent source of contact with safe people that we can learn to be ourselves with, we
lose an important balancing point to the many judgments we hold about who we are. Creating
meaningful contact with safe people provides us with important feedback so that we may
escape our self-imposed prisons of alienation and condemnation.
Let
me more specifically list for you the value I find in all of us being willing and able to
strengthen the bonds of fellowship. Dont just read the list, but think about how any
one item may hold some truth for you.
Emotionally safe relationships
enhance our self-esteem
Emotionally safe relationships
activate the seeds of our potential for our personal growth
Emotionally safe relationships
extract ourselves from the darkness of our isolation
Emotionally safe relationships
elevate our mood
Emotionally safe relationships
enable us to contribute to the well-being of other people
Emotionally safe relationships
enable us to see more clearly how the world experiences us
Emotionally safe relationships
create a purpose in our lives
Emotionally safe relationships
teach us about who we are
Lets
stop for a moment and explore in a more personal way what Strengthening the Bonds of
Fellowship means to you. Try to focus on the value that building better bridges with the
people who matter most to you can add to your life.
As I
share with you my prescription for emotional well-being, I am not naive enough to believe
that its not without its own set of side-effects. Thats why we work so hard in
our Relationship Bridge-Builders groups to develop the skills and the awarenesses
necessary to insure that we create safe relationships. At the same time, on balance,
throughout the years, I have discovered that theres not a more powerful elixir out
there than safe relationships that support our growth and accept who we are and where we
are at in our journey.
G.B.U.
Steve
Recover from
chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your
children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs
free. Learn how
to in Dr. Frischs, Psy.D. Recovery book series. |
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