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By Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.
Click here for Part 2 of Mirror
On the Wall
Egos supremacy, its exaggerated strength,
is the greatest obstacle to our emotional
and spiritual well-being.
No man for any considerable period,
can wear one face to himself, and
another to the multitude, without finally
getting bewildered as to which may be the true.
orientation, or attitude, with which you approach your life will determine the nature of
the experiences that you create in your life. How so? Simply put, the personal energy with
which you touch your world sets into motion a series of actions and reactions. These
actions and reactions form your experiences and reveal to you in the process the lessons
of life you have yet to master. Think about that for a moment, think about what the
implications of what Ive just said to you are. Think about what relevance, if any,
those implications hold for you.
me, it means one thing and one thing only. You and only you are the creator of each event,
every circumstance, each and every person that populates each and every moment of your
life. And so, try as you may, its an inescapable truism that the circumstances that exist in your
life are given birth, not from events and circumstances external to you, but from your
inner world, the birthplace of your orientation and attitudes with which you approach
life. Your ups and your downs; your joys and hardships; both your conquests and struggles.
All are born from your emotional, psychological, and spiritual orientation towards life.
Not luck, nor misfortune. Not evenhanded fairness nor cruel injustice. Not the benevolence
of somebodys good-will nor the malevolence of somebody elses victimizing
behavior. Not superior intelligence nor distorted awareness.
there be no mistake from the outset. Its your orientation
towards your life that creates and attracts the types of experiences that you encounter.
Stay with me for a moment. Its not my intention to offer up to you the virtues of Positive Mental
Attitude as the solution for your personal and
spiritual woes. Thats far from what this subject is about. But the subject I do want to discuss with you is something much more
profound, a much more fundamental Truth--a truth
about attraction and creation. What I will be discussing with you is how one specific
orientation to life creates emotional and spiritual bankruptcy while another orientation
to life attracts joy, love, and prosperity.
is it that your orientation towards life attracts and determines the nature of the
circumstances of your life? You only need understand how the energy with which you touch
your world is what attracts and creates all that you receive in return. You see, the
experiences of your life have your fingerprints all over them. These fingerprints are
created by the personal energy you live from and bring to bear on each and every aspect of
makes sense, doesnt it? To demonstrate my point, lets look at the following
example. If I were to shake your hand, depending on the type of physical energy I
exchanged with you through the pressure I applied to our hand shake, I would likely set
into motion a chain reaction of different responses and reactions between you and I, as
varied as the type of grip and pressure I exerted and the meaning you attributed to your
experience of my handshake. If I were to shake your hand with a firm, steady grip, you may
experience me as a person of strength and character. And if that were your experience of
who I was, then that experience of me would stimulate you to respond to me in a certain
manner, to which I would reciprocate in kind. Then again, if I shaked your hand in an
aggressive, hostile manner, would your response to me be the same or wildly different?
can you see how you leave an imprint of your personal
energy on every circumstance and
person with whom you have contact--energy which is the material and spiritual embodiment
of your orientation towards life? Let me add that this energy doesnt only manifest
itself in a physical manner such as with the handshaking example above. In actuality, this
personal energy is a complex mixture of psychological, physical, behavioral, verbal,
emotional, physiological, spiritual, and creative energy as well.
what I said in the first sentence of this pamphlet, the
orientation, or attitude, with which you approach your life will determine the nature of
the experiences that you create in your life. Your orientation and attitudes are
expressed through this cocktail of energy--psychological, physical, behavioral, verbal,
physiological, spiritual, and creative. And so, depending on the energy with which you
touch the circumstances of your life, youll create and attract the very experiences
that your personal energy stimulates.
there are two separate sources from which two different types of personal energy are
created. Ego is one source from which one type
of personal energy, pride, is activated. The
second source is Essence, from which a
second type of personal energy, reverence, is
activated. Pride and reverence are two types of personal energies with
which you touch your world, the personal energies that set into motion the actions and
reactions that form your life experiences.
significance of the distinction between Ego and Essence cant be understated. For its
these two energy sources that create and shape the nature of your life experiences. Egos the creator of the personal energy, pride. Pride
is the personal energy which inevitably sabotages your best efforts to enrich and
elevate your life. Essence is the creator of the
energy, reverence, the personal energy that
creates a sense of richness, fullness, and intimacy of being. Simply put, in order to
create a life of emotional and spiritual well-being, you must begin to dismantle your
relationship with Ego and begin to activate the
personal energy of reverence as you become more
and more connected to Essence. Thats the
point of all this hard work--transcending Ego,
thereby releasing yourself from the toxic effects of pride
and immersing your life in the personal energy of reverence from the voice of Essence.
the big deal about Ego? Why the need to transcend Ego? Well, heres the big deal. Egos the culprit, the bad guy here, the
saboteur. Egos the stick with which you
poke at life, the creator of a type of personal energy that flows from the top of your
head to the tip of each finger as you shake hands with the people and circumstances of
Egos the Lord of Fear, the High Priestess of
Chaos, the Grand Pubah of Judgmentalness, the Grand Wizard of Egocentricity, the Duke of
Arrogance, the Duchess of Hubris. Hes the straw that stirs the drink. Hes a
conspirators conspirator, if you will, sabotaging your emotional and spiritual
well-being at every bend in the road. You may recognize him as the part of you that honors
reason over emotional intuition, cherishes caution over spontaneity, values avoidance more
so than risktaking? Thats our Mr. Ego in all of his glory.
you really, truly, believe that you have twenty-twenty vision when it comes to clearly
seeing who you are? I think not. For Egos
the hands over your eyes that blinds you to the underlying meaning of your choices. Egos the prankster that sticks its leg out as
you walk by, tripping you up when you least expect it, the part of you that perpetually
grabs the chair out from under you everytime youre about to sit down, relax, and
enjoy life. Egos the carnival mirror that
reflects back to you the two most profound distortions you hold about yourself--that
youre either Lord of the Manor or Scum of the Earth. Not! Not!
and load is the battle cry by which Ego lives,
the part of you that takes no prisoner, the energy that captures rather than invites
people into your life, the sniper that can take anybody out at a thousand paces, in high
winds, no less. Egos the terrorist that
demands and demands and demands. Do it the way I want you to. Understand
me the way I want to be understood. See me the way I want to be seen.
I must be right, and you, you are oh so wrong.
there times when you feel like youre the real life star of Ground Hogs Day, different day same scripted
life. Well, you have Ms. Ego to thank for that.
Shes the one who has turned your life into one perpetual casting call, forever
auditioning different people to play the same parts over and over and over again.
Shes the casting agent of your personal drama, the source of attraction for all the
characters that come and go--mostly just go.
Egos that special voice from within, the one
that whispers psst, those feelings, all
those feelings you have, forget about it, you wont be needing them as long as mois on the case. Egos your Inner Quasimodo, trampling all over your sense of
worth, forever belittling your three best friends-me, myself, and I, constantly
doubting, casting its net of mistrust and suspicion over anyone brave enough to walk
into your path, continually stirring your life into an emotional uproar.
you ever asked yourself, Just whos running my life anyway? You need look
no further than Ego. Egos Edgar Bergen and youre Charlie
McCarthy--how many times have you shaken your head in puzzlement, never fully grasping
just what cosmic force has its finger up your you
know what each and every time you sabotage yourself--again and again and again. Egos Gepetto and youre
Pinocchio--its always been a head scratcher, hasnt it, just what strange
mystical forces are pulling the strings of your life. Its just this simple. Egos pulling the strings, shes a master
puppeteer, but she aint no Shari Lewis and you aint no Lamb Chop.
happens to you? What happens when you need to stand up for yourself, where does your voice
disappear to? Egos the cat thats got
your tongue, the Force that robs you of your
voice. Its Mr. Ego, hes the one who stuffs a sock in your
mouth, the silencer if you will, the muzzle that leaves you paralyzed when the
circumstances of your life rule you rather than the other way around.
when its all said and done, do you feel so all alone, walking alongside but never
connected to the people in your life? With Ego stirring
the pot, its really not that much of a mystery. Egos the senior Senator from Illinois, the
part of you that legislates the rules of conduct by which you demand the world act and
behave towards you. Egos the head
bookkeeper of your personal corporation, the one who takes the inventory of everybody but
you. Egos the prosecutions star
witness, perpetually building case after case, never shy about providing expert testimony
about the all the ways the people in your life have let you down. Egos your general contractor, the master
tradesman who constructed the fortress from which you keep the world at arms length.
Ego refers to your fortress as personal boundaries, I think of it more as your
prison of fear and insecurities.
what a conniver our friend is, this Mr. Ego.
Hes the barker at the carnival, always seducing, forever enticing, endlessly
manipulating. He has the quickest hands in the west,
the master of three card Monty, the trickster who hides the pea under that elusive
shell. Watch carefully! Notice how Egos
hands are so much quicker than your eyes. Which shell is Essence under? Is it here, under rationalization?
Or here, under your denial? How about there, hiding beneath blame? Oops! Not there? Where
did that darn Essence of yours disappear to
so, you may ask, what does all that have to do with me? There can
be no doubt, can there, in order for your lifes journey to fully unfold, Egos got to go? You do recognize the
gravitational pull, all the ways Ego convinces
you of your righteousness while draining your life of its humanness, dont you? Are
you really that oblivious to Egos pulling
and tugging, the centrifugal force, always making you look the fool, believing yourself to
be the victim, the crestfallen star of your own melodrama? Its like shooting the
rapids on the Snake River, the highs and the lows, the agony and the ecstasy, the thrills
and the chills, but in the end, always capsizing, putting more energy into uprighting your
ship rather than just enjoying the ride.
you ready for something different? Have you grown weary of feeling so empty? Has your life
become consumed with days of despair and nights of quiet desperation? Do your
unfullfilled longings leave you hungering for the warmth of anothers touch? Are you
dizzy from the neverending search for the path that will lead you out of the maze in which
your life is entrapped?
so, then perhaps youre ready to change the orientation with which you approach your
life. Its axiomatic, nothing in your life can change until you stop touching your
life with the energy of pride activated by Ego and begin touching it with the energy of reverence.
is reverence? Whats it look like? Does
it have a noticeable odor? Is it something you can touch with your hands, see with your
eyes, taste with your mouth? Does it have tangible qualities that you can hold onto or is
it ephemeral in nature--here today and gone tomorrow?
Reverence is a hallowed orientation towards life, the most sacred energy
you can bring to the dance. Reverence is the
outward manifestation of the internal voice of Essence.
Its the embodiment of the Divine within each and everyone of us. All that we truly
are--compassion, love, and wisdom, all that we have to offer--humanity, gratitude, and
forgiveness, all the states that we can most purely be--grace, tolerance, and acceptance
is embodied in the energy of reverence.
Reverence is a state of being. This state of being
is created from the most fundamental transition youll make on this journey--the
transition from self-centered isolation to a state of union with all of humanity. As much
as you prize your separateness and independence now, reverence,
as a state of union rather than separateness, is much more profound in its meaning, much
more grand in its depth of fulfillment. The underlying truth of this state of being is
that being a part of a whole and thereby sharing your life with others is the predicate
for a life of emotional and spiritual well-being.
Reverence is an attitude. Reverence
as an attitude is an acknowledgment of the grandness of all creatures of this
Universe. You acknowledge the grandness of all creatures by acknowledging that the Divine
lives in each and every molecule of this Universe. To acknowledge this fundamental truism,
all you need know is that to do harm to one inhabitant of this Universe, is to do harm to
the Divinity in all of us. A life of reverence is
a life that brings no harm to the Divine in all of us.
is what embodies the attitude of reverence. You
honor yourself through the way you treat
yourself. You honor your neighbor through the way you offer yourself. You honor your higher consciousness
through the authenticity with which you
express yourself. You honor your higher power through the faith with which you live your life.
Reverence is an approach to life. In reverence, process is honored over outcome. Where Egos main focus is achievement, the
attainment of a goal, Essences main focus is evolution, the maturation of the soul.
A life that is embedded with reverence is a
life that values the journey more than the destination, growing through rather than
getting to, experiencing rather than conquering, being rather than doing.
second aspect of reverence as an approach to
life is how life experiences are evaluated. Ego judges
circumstances as being right or wrong, good or bad, fast or slow. Essence evaluates
life experiences as neither good
nor bad, right nor wrong, fast nor slow--they just are. A life touched by reverence doesnt focus on the judgment of a
life experience, but embraces it for the value it has towards healing and evolving.
there you have it. Weve established that your orientation towards life is the life
force that creates the experiences of your life. There are two life forces or energies, pride and reverence.
Pride is the energy created by Ego, reverence is the energy created by Essence. The point of our journey is to shed the
influences of Ego so that we can must full
connect with our spiritual center, Essence. By
being most fully connected to Essence, you will
be able to connect with the energy of reverence. In part 2, I will discus with you how to
introduce reverence into your life.
Click here for Part 2 of Mirror
On the Wall
chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your
children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs
free. Learn how
to in Dr. Frischs, Psy.D. Recovery book series.